“Oh Sh*t!” The 12 Things That Happen When You Run Into Your Ex

Running into your ex is never a fun experience. While you may have spent months visualising this particular meeting, no amount of daydreaming can prepare you for when it actually happens.

It’s scary, it’s unsettling and (if it was a particularly bad break-up) it’s really, really, REALLY painful.

Meeting a former flame is a common human experience. We all have exes and, given that this is a free world, they’re all out there wandering about the place, lying in wait for the moment that their paths will cross with ours (probably).

Here are the 12 things that happen when you run into your ex...

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"Oh god... why today? Why did I have to run into him today?!"

1. Your first thought is ‘Oh SH*T!!!’: You’re just walking along, minding your own business when you get this disconcerting feeling that all is not well. You know he’s there before you see him – you can practically feel his presence. And you feel sick. Very, very, very sick.

2. You start to sweat: You’re not a sweaty person. Even on the hottest day of the year the most persperation you usually experience is a few drops on your brow. Today though you’re sweating buckets. Your t-shirt is so soaked it looks like you just fell into a river. Attractive, right?

3. You assess the area and try to figure out the nearest escape route: This is a classic sign that your body is having a flight-or-fight response. You briefly consider diving behind the nearest bush until he’s walked by you and you’re safe.

4. You start to make a move: After weighing up the pros and cons you’ve decided that the bush is the way to go. You turn around and just as you’re about to take your first steps away you hear a puzzled ‘Hi?’ from behind you and you know you’re trapped. More sweat accumulates in your armpits. You sort of want the ground to swallow you up. Like now.

"What am I talking about? Seriously?!"

5. You have no idea what you’re saying: Well, he’s seen you and has started a conversation with you so now you just have to go with it to save face. There’s just one problem: you’ve lost control over your mouth and you genuinely have no idea what the f**k you’re saying to him. Why are you talking about the weather? Seriously, stop talking. Just stop.

6. You have no concept of volume: For some reason, you’re shouting at him. You don’t know why but your voice has been cranked up a few octaves. It’s probably due to panic but you can’t stop yourself from cringing inwardly at the sounds coming from your mouth. “SHOUTING? WHO ME? NO. I ALWAYS TALK AT THIS RIDICULOUS VOLUME. YOU JUST NEVER NOTICED WHEN WE WERE DATING.”

7. You realise that this meeting is occurring on the one day that you look terrible: He would have to run into you on the one day when you’re not wearing any make-up and rocking a ratty old tracksuit because everything else you own is in the wash. Life is cruel sometimes.

8. You’re secretly praying that he hasn’t seen all those passive aggressive Facebook statuses you posted: In your defence, you were heartbroken after the break-up and, as anyone who has gone through a break-up knows, sometimes you need to get your pain out into the open so everyone can see how much you’re hurting. You may have posted a few angry status updates or Tweets. While you wanted him to see them at the time, you’re really hoping that he blocked you from his newsfeed right now...

"I really hope he didn't see those Facebook updates..."

9. You’ve lost all control over your emotions: Standing here, face-to-face with him you’re experiencing a multitude of emotions. You sort of want to hit him, kiss him and yell at him all at the same time. It’s all too much, so instead you just stand there and babble at him loudly.

10. You over-react to everything: He says something that isn’t even THAT funny but you’re laughing like a nutcase all the same and telling him that he should quit his job and become a stand-up comedian. Even though that would be a terrible career-move on his part.

11. You start having, eh... intimate flashbacks: You’re chatting (sorry, SCREAMING)at him when suddenly your brain decides to remind you about all the sex you had when you were together. Yep, all that sex that was awesome at the time but now just makes you feel a bit sad. You can feel your face turning bright red but there’s nothing you can do to stop it from happening. Oh the mortification! Just be grateful that he can’t read your mind, that’s all we’ll say...

12. As you turn to leave, you realise something majorly important: Throughout the entire conversation he never once asked you how you were. You took an interest in his life and he rabbited on without even thinking to ask you about yours. You realise that he’s still just as self-centred as he was throughout your relationship and you know what else you realise? You’re so much better off without him. You: 1. Ex: 0.