Robin Oree composed these tweets in the wake of the Louise O’Neill documentary, Reality Bites: Asking For It, which aired on Tuesday night.
Many of you will find yourselves nodding along with this.
On Tuesday night, author Louise O’Neill presented a documentary that looked at young Irish people’s attitudes to consent and sexual assault.
Robin Oree is a 31-year-old German man who has been living in Ireland since 2009. Having watched the documentary, he wrote down some thoughts a lot of men will be able to relate to.
He writes…
‘Asking For It starring Absolute Boss Louise O’Neill is a great primer on rape culture and I have many thoughts on it, so buckle up.
‘Consent is not simply an extra safety layer for our sex lives. It’s an entirely different paradigm to what we’ve been taught.
‘As men, we grow up being told that we’re not real men unless we sexually conquer women, and the more we get, the more manly we are.
‘That’s where rape culture begins and the doc teases this out really well: Women have something they must guard. Men must try and *seize* it.
‘By far the most toxic piece of advice I’ve ever gotten (from a woman, ironically) was “Never ask for a kiss”.
‘Asking rather than just going for it is considered unromantic and spoiling the mood. Domineering is masked as seduction.
‘That conquest can be subtle or brute, but it’s the same ball park. Incessant “romantic” pursuit and rape are on the same gradation line.
‘”Win her over” -> “Keep at it” -> “Don’t let her slip away” -> “Don’t take no for an answer” -> “Make her feel bad” -> “Force her”
‘”Strong” masculinity is reduced to “Grab whatever you want, if needs be by force!” If you ask and accept a no, you’re a weakling.
‘The thing is: Even though this system empowers men, it also constricts and dulls their sexuality, zombifies them almost. “Boys will be boys”
‘When people make excuses for rapists, they’re insulting #allmen. They’re saying we’re lizard brains with a dick, madly pouncing at anything.
‘The best sex I ever had was 50% just talking, laughing, asking and checking in. The worse sex was no talking at all.
‘Being sexually confident means knowing how to ask for what you want and being able to take no for an answer w/o getting pissy about it.
‘We all deserve to have our bodies respected. We all deserve to have a choice about what happens to our bodies. We all deserve good sex.
‘Ultimately, this is NOT about casting villains. This is about all of us, women and men, looking out for each other and for ourselves.’
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