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24th May 2016
04:28pm BST

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1. This is what you look like on the beach
No, not her. The girl lying behind her.
2. Fading into white walls at parties...
Is a real and serious issue that you struggle with.
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3. When you get a tan...
Or wear self-tan, the people around you just tell you that you look healthy.
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4. Wearing white is an absolute no-no
As more than one person has told you, when you opt for a white outfit, you may as well be in your birthday suit.
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5. You’ve been known to melt or turn into a lobster after being out in the sun too long…
On more than one occasion.
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6. Before leaving the house you tan the parts of your body that can only be seen with your clothes on…
Which makes you feel a million dollars.
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7. You know that neither ivory nor alabaster foundations...
Will ever be white enough for your pale skin.
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Main image via shesaidbeauty.com

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