Got a new fella?
Good for you, must be The One, definitely worth all of the time and effort you are inevitably going to put into him before he stops replying to your fire Instas because his “love should be enough” even though it isn’t.
Yeah. Relationships are cool.
Whether you’re in one for the first time, or this is your seventh fling of the summer, there are certain things that are bound to happen to every gal when she finds herself with someone new to hit up on those hot, sticky, lonely nights in the form of a real life boyfriend.
So with that in mind, here are 7 things that absolutely every one of us has done within seconds of bagging ourselves a new fella.
1. Deleted all those weird lads off Snapchat
Honestly, who in the world is ‘McMahonBrian69’ and why has he been in your best friends list for the past two months?
He’s either mates with that lad from Tinder you mistakenly gave your number to, or he’s that weirdo from the Nitelink who insisted on telling you about his Sinn Fein allegiances for the entire journey home.
Either way, you don’t need him in your life anymore.
2. Became suspiciously unavailable for midweek drinks
Remember when you were single and you were able to hit your mates up pretty much any night of the week because you had nowhere else to be?
Now, however, you need to go sit on a sofa with four lads and watch The Match because your boy’s Team is playing.
We all need to make sacrifices sometimes.
3. Eaten more food
Look, if you’ve just found yourself a fella and the two of you haven’t spent 90 percent of your time obliterated after eating All Of The Food In The World, then he’s not the one for you.
Research has even proven that almost half of new relationships end up in weight gain and eating incredibly unhealthy food.
On the other hand though, if you’re going out with someone who’s healthy, you’re likely to eat more healthy food so, you know, swings and roundabouts.
Just eat whatever you want, it’s grand.
4. Injected info about said new fella into every conversation possible
Oh, your friend is having a midlife crisis? That’s mad, Brian had one of those too!
Oh, you’ve bought yourself a new pair of Nikes? Gas, Gareth loves wearing shoes on his feet.
Oh, your parents have announced they’re splitting up and now they have to sell the house and your younger brother is really upset and has subsequently turned to drugs to cope with the crippling depression raging within himself? Cool, John has parents also.
5. Stopped putting up Insta Stories
Who are you needing to impress anymore, like? You’ve got a fella.
Your work here is done, hun.
6. Started thinking about how many children you’ll have together
Three: a boy named Joseph after the father of Christ, a girl named Blue Ivy because f*ck Beyonce, she can’t patent that shit, and a boy or a girl named Chris because gender neutral names are all the rage these days.
7. Told your mam about him
The one sign that you truly want this relationship to last.
