The much-talked about referendum on marriage equality takes place this Friday, May 22nd.
A 22-year-old student, who wishes to remain anonymous, got in touch with Her.ie and shared his story.
It speaks volumes.
I want people to vote yes, not only for the matter of marriage or equality but for the wider, bigger picture – the mental health of young LGBT.
I am a 22-year-old lad who loves sport, travelling, college, going out most weekends and hanging out with my friends. I also happen to be bisexual.
I realised I liked lads in sixth class but I still liked girls too. To this day I will never forget the feeling of confusion that I felt. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it due to the fear of rejection.
I wanted to tell my Mam but couldn’t, in case she might stop loving me because her only son wasn’t normal.
I liked girls as much as I liked lads which made me think (partly due to a remark my Mam made before when talking about someone else) that it was just a phase I was going through.
I wouldn’t let myself think about other lads. If anything was brought up in conversation about different sexualities between my friends in school, I would just be quiet or try change the conversation.
If it came up on the soaps on TV while I was with my family, I would leave the room.
I prayed to God most nights asking him to make me normal. I was fully convinced that all this would make me straight. Of course it didn’t, the only thing it made me was sad and extremely unhappy with who I was.
I started to distance myself from everybody. Don’t get me wrong, in school I was one of the most popular kids – making everybody laugh and being the clown of the class.
I turned into a sort of zombie. Getting up, acting so happy, making everybody laugh, looking like the kid who has everything but inside, I was becoming more and more sad.
I used to swim every week, then I stopped “to study more” but really it was so I wouldn’t have to be in changing rooms. I tried to skip as much PE as possible because “I forgot my gear” or “I was sick.”
When my friends and I hung out, I made sure never to drink too much in case I said something which gave it away. I rarely went to sleepovers in case I said something in my sleep.
My whole childhood was spent walking on eggshells and obviously, this took a toll on my mental health.
This was my secondary school life. When I started going to college, many of my friends came out as gay or lesbian and one would think this would encourage me to do the same.
Yet, I believed that it was easier to to come out as gay rather than bisexual. I remember talking to my friend who is homosexual about bisexuality and he said that it was a “cover-up” for people who come out as homosexual in the end.
This obviously added to my confusion and fueled more questions. If I came out, would people even believe me that I was bisexual?
I became depressed and suicidal thoughts started to creep into my head. In my head, it was easier to just end my life than deal with this every minute of every day. I just wanted it to end.
I just wanted to talk to my parents and friends without thinking about what I’m going to say next and if it might give it away. I just wanted to be normal.
Nowadays, I have the most amazing girlfriend who knows about my sexuality and has helped me through the depression. I have come out to my best friends.
I still have to come out to my parents but I will soon. I am happier than I have ever been before and I am finally seeing light at the end of a very dark tunnel.
I truly believe that this referendum, if passed, has the power to help prevent young LGBT people from going through what I did.
My main problem growing up was that I felt like I was rejected from and not accepted by Irish society – left out with nobody to talk to. This referendum can change this.
If you vote yes, not only are you voting for same sex marriage and equality but also for the mental health of young LGBT kids who are trying to deal with their sexuality every single day.
You are letting LGBT know that Ireland does in fact accept them for who they are, and considers them as much a part of our society as anybody else.
This is our chance to make history. Let’s all take a step forward, together.
