
Life

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21st April 2019
06:51pm BST

2. Anger
You may kill a man if the sun continues to shine as brightly as it has done all morning.
You are missing out on valuable #can and #tan time. You cannot be held accountable your actions.
The next person who comes in here and says: "Ah god, shame you're working on a day like today" is getting a smack in the face.
"I'm only here because of people like you, Dennis," you spit. "People who ensure there's always a demand for me to be working on stunning days like today."
A brawl ensues, but you don't lose your job because there's nobody else around to witness it. They're all off today.
3. Denial
Nah, actually, you know what? It doesn't even matter.
It's the Bank Holiday, you're hardly expect to work to your full capacity.
Nobody else is working. All the regular shops and businesses are closed. You couldn't even pick up a 3in1 in the local Chinese because they decided to give their staff a day off.
Crack open a can of Gordons, girl. Put your feet up. You deserve it.
This isn't work. This is what you make of it.
4. Mental deterioration
You're losing it.
Time has paused, the clocks have stopped, and you haven't blinked in about four whole minutes.
The last time you checked your phone it was 11.47am and you had an unopened Snapchat from some lad you shifted last weekend.
Two hours later and it's only 11.50am but somehow the lad has gone from a photo of his dog to a graphic dick pic.
Your mind - it deteriorates. It will never be the same again.
5. Acceptance
It's happening. You're doing it.
All of your mates are down in Cork running through the fields blissfully, or sat at the canal sculling warm Orchard Thieves, or doing essentially anything else that doesn't involve working this weekend.
But that's OK. You've accepted it now. You're working the Bank Holiday. It's happening.
And hey look, when all is said and done, you might just get a day in lieu back for your troubles.
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