Fighting with your SO is more treacherous than walking through a rose bed barefoot.
Anything you say during a blow-out could result in you sleeping on the couch or worse – packing your bags entirely. There is one word that relationship experts advise eradicating from all confrontations if you want to stand a chance of conveying your feelings without landing yourself in the dog house.
According to expert Jeffrey Bernstein the word ‘should’ has got to go.
He writes in
Psychology Today:
“This word engenders a controlling, judgmental dynamic. Thinking "should" about someone you love, or being on the receiving end of a "should," creates negative energy and, over time, can be toxic for any relationship, especially a loving one.”
Berstein explains that the word ‘should’ is riddled in expectation and provokes a feeling of shame in your partner.
He recommends replacing the phrase with the term ‘would like.’
“Instead of, ‘You should know how I feel,’ try (thinking and) saying, ‘I would like you to please hear me out on this.’”
“Instead of, ‘You shouldn't bring that up,’ try (thinking and) saying, ‘I would like to consider what you are saying. Please let me sit with it for a little while before I respond.’”
Berstein reckons the whole process of thinking about what you say before you say it
should save you a lot of grief.
