The Rules of Cohabitation

Eventually there comes a point in every woman’s life when she looks at the man she’s been dating and just knows that she’d be cool with seeing him on a daily basis.

My own personal moment came after he disposed of an unnaturally large spider in my apartment, despite the fact that he too is bloody terrified of the things (it was our shared hatred of eight-legged beasts that bonded us in the first place).

Now, bear in mind that I had this initial thought right after we had first started to go out. But over time, I began to think about it more and more. As cheesy as it sounds, I think you just know when you’ve met the perfect person to set up a home with.

And I knew as soon as I saw the look of terror/disgust on his face as he flushed the offending arachnid down the toilet.

Swoon, right?

So fast forward a good  ten months later and the idea of living together was put on the table for real this time. I had lived with him previously in the year when I moved back to Dublin for work.

Originally it was supposed to only be for a week, but a crap letting market and poor finances meant that I ended up staying for nearly four months. Then I moved out and I guess he missed me (I missed him too).

So we have recently embarked on the joy of living together (and I’m scared sh**less). Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s an exciting time and I can’t wait until we are in the throes of domestic bliss, but it’s a bit terrifying at the same time too.

I worry if it’s too soon. I worry if he’ll be willing to graciously accept my shoe habit. I wonder if he’ll be able to deal with my unnatural obsession with Hugh Laurie.

(I wonder if he’ll still find me attractive when he finds me eating Nutella straight out of the jar with a spoon).

Of course I’ve thought about these things endlessly, yet despite these worries I can’t find one good reason NOT to live with him – sure we practically see each other every day as it is anyway, like.

So I’m taking the plunge. I’m morphing from girlfriend to live-in partner and I couldn’t be happier. Honestly.

If you’re currently about to make the same commitment with the man in your life and are in need of some guidance, here are a few helpful cohabitation tips that I have picked up over the past few weeks…

1. Discuss your expectations before you take the plunge: When it comes to setting up house together, men and women tend to have very different expectations. While you may expect a deeper level of commitment within your relationship, he may expect that his clothes are magically washed and ironed for him every week.

Make sure that the two of you are on the exact same page. Discuss what living together means for you both – does it make sense just because your lease is up and you need a place to stay? Or is it because you genuinely can’t live without each other?

2. Try to maintain a little mystery: So you’ve moved in and things are going great. Awesome. However, seeing each other the whole time can suck the passion from your relationship a little bit (it’s not that you stop loving each other, you just get too used to each other). Believe us when we say that it’s always best to maintain a little bit of mystery.

This means ALWAYS locking the bathroom door and never letting him see  you go about your monthly de-fuzzing routine. There are some things that boyfriends/fiancés/husbands should never witness – putting Veet on your lady ‘tache is one of them. Trust us. 

3. Never comment on bodily functions: You’re already living in close enough quarters as is. Don’t comment on the odd noises coming from his digestive system and hopefully he won’t comment on the weird noises coming from your own.

Bodily functions are great and everything, but they have no place within the confines of a relationship. I mean seriously girls, do you really want him to exclaim: “PHEW! I BETTER GIVE THAT A WHILE!” every time he goes into the bathroom after you? Answer: no, no you don’t.

4. Keep your independence: Living with the love of your life is an amazing experience, but it’s healthy to keep your own independence too. Make sure that you still keep up your own hobbies and interests. For example, if you used to meet the girls on a Thursday night for dinner and drinks after work, continue with this habit.

Being independent from your other half means that you always have something fresh to bring into the relationship. He’ll be curious about what you do when he’s not around and vice versa. Having your own lives will stop the two of you from getting sick of each other and having the same boring conversations over and over again.

5. Know what YOU need to be happy and believe that these needs are important: What do you need to be happy on a daily basis? Do you need to take a run every morning to clear your head? Do you need semi-skimmed milk in your fridge? Do you need ten minutes of quiet time when you get in from work in the evenings?

Whatever you need to keep you happy, tell your partner. Let him know that you won’t be happy unless you are able to do these things on a daily basis. Your needs are important and are the key to creating domestic bliss. Express your needs and ask him if he has any, then compromise to ensure that both of your needs are met and that both of you are happy.

6. Be flexible: Occasionally you will reach a stalemate over certain issues. For example: you want to paint the bedroom red, but he wants to paint it white. Be flexible. Tell him that he can have his white bedroom if you can pick the colours for the kitchen, or vice versa. Flexibility will be your best friend when you start to cohabitate with himself.