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22nd Sep 2016

This girl’s drunken college essay is absolutely stunning

Cassie Delaney

I actually feel deep down that this has to be fake because if it’s real it’s probably one of the most cringey things ever.

But sure look, in the interest of writing about viral things on the internet I shall continue.

McKenna Clark is your bog standard student, and like most students, decided to leave her assignments to the last minute.

Taking things one step further, McKenna chose to go on a night out instead of sitting in and cramming.

She got home from the night out totally lacking in sobriety, and decided that would be the best time to sit down and write her criminal justice essay.

She clicked send and headed off to bed. The next day she surfaced with a healthy dose of the fear and decided to review the essay.

It is a pretty disastrous effort, and even ends in “love you.”

She shared an image of the essay on Twitter alongside the warning: “PSA: don’t write papers hammered and then turn them in like me.”

The essay in its stunning entirety reads:

“Illegal to kiss on train (mala prohibita) talk about weather it should be illegal or not [sic]. It should be legal to kiss on the train because it is romantic.

“Professor Grams, my name is McKenna. I had some Dr Peppers I am doing good. Your assignment is way too hard. I can’t do it right now. I am better now, however, because the Dr Peppers wore off.

“I am now contemplating the assignment that you gave me. It’s illegal to kiss on the train because it is a safety violation. If you are kissing while on the train you must realise that it could end up being dangerous. If the driver was kissing on the train, who would be driving the train. You are welcome.

“Love you.”

In fairness, it’s pretty factual.

Lead images via @Krueder_kaylee