Thoughts You Have When You’re Drunk And Hungry

Despite promising oneself time and time again that you won’t end up covered in cajun sauce at the end of the night, a foray into drunken food territory is a rite of passage. It happens. Always. Thankfully, we’ve scientifically* documented the journey towards drunken food in an effort to understand this primal human behaviour. *not in any way scientific. Getting ready… I should probably eat something. It would be sensible to get some soakage and if I fill up now I won’t get drunk too quickly. I’ll throw on some pasta. I’m just going to put the episode of Gossip Girl on in the background while I get ready. Pasta is time consuming; I’ll just make a toasted sandwhich. There’s the same amount of carbs. Shitballs I can’t get these lashes on. I’ll have toast. Actually I’m not that hungry. As long as I don’t have shots I’ll be fine. First drink at the presesh… Can they hear my tummy rumble? A cigarette will supress that. I’m a bit light headed. I’ll fill up on beer. Why is there no food at this presesh. I’ll pop out in awhile and grab something I’m a little bit peckish.  A few drinks in… I’d love a pizza. Or a burger. AND a burger. Uhhhh that burger from last Tuesday was amazing. I’d love one of those now. Like right now. Have I anything in my bag? I am literally the hungriest person alive. Curry cheese chips. Curry cheese chips. “Where are we heading to??” What can I eat from around there? “Maybe we should head to the quays?” There’s a Zaytoon around there. Herro kebab. Or a pizza. AND a pizza.   In the taxi… Oh kebab kebab kebab we will be together sooooon. In the club... How long do I have to stay here for before it’s acceptable to leave? I could sneak out and come back. Yeah I’d love another drink. I’ll chew it. He’s cute. I wonder what he tastes like. I can't believe I just thought that. I should kiss him. Then we’ll go on a date. And there’ll be food. I wonder where he’ll take me. He’ll definitely take me to TiBeCa. I’m gonna get the wings. WINGS. I wish I’d made that sandwich. Or pasta. With cheese. They should serve food in here. If I owned this place I'd serve food. I'm gonna open a club that serves food. SHOTS! Uh. Am I sick or hungry? Hungry. Why hasn’t he suggested a date yet? He’s asked if I wana get out of here. He doesn’t look like the type to stop in Zaytoon. “No no I can’t leave the girls” Do kebabs have cheese on them? I want cheese. Kebab or cheese chips? Kebab AND cheese chips. I won’t eat them all. HOW ARE THE GIRLS NOT HUNGRY? I’m so glad he’s gone. What will I have for breakfast? THE HUNGER OF THE ENTIRE WORLD IS UPON ME. My stomach just ate itself. It’s caved in. I’m actually beyond the point of hungry now. I couldn’t eat. I could actually never eat again. My appetite has just decreased. It’s gone. Hiccup. SHOTS. “Am I hungry?” “Well like I’ll go with you so you’re not on your own, where do you want to go?” Please say Zaytoon. PLEASE SAY ZAYTOON. "I think there's like maybe a Zaytoon or one of those places around the corner" In Zaytoon… That smells nice. That smells amazing. That’s actually the best smell ever. Oh my lord hurry up. These drunk people are so annoying. HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT YOU WANT. I’m going to faint I’m so hungry. Kebab kebab kebab. I love you Zaytoon. The guy behind the counter is pretty cute. “A Chicken donner, chips, coke please and thank you. Do you have cheese? Extra cheese”. This is the nicest thing I’ve ever in my life eaten. I should definitely come here sober. It’s so nice. Hiccup. I loooooooooove cajun sauce.