What to Do When Your BFF Needs a Reality Check

Your best friend – she’s amazing, right? She’s hilarious, she’s kind and she’s supportive. She’s also the only woman you know that could give Jedward a run for their money in the hyperactivity stakes.

In short, she’s awesome. Of course she is. That’s why you hang out with her, obviously. She makes you laugh, she encourages you to take risks and she’s always there for you no matter what. You have this strange bond that you just can’t put into words. She’s your BFF and has already claimed the roles of chief bridesmaid at your future wedding and godmother to your future children.

For most of us, we know we can converse with our bestie about anything and that she’ll never judge us or freak out at what we tell her. But what happens when the topic of conversation just so happens to be her lifestyle?

What happens when you need to give your BFF a severe RC? (That’s ‘reality check’ in case you were wondering).

Yes, awesome and all as friendships are, sometimes your platonic life partner can go off the rails and when she does, you are bestowed with the terrifying task of trying to talk some sense into her.

We’ve all been in these types of situations and we all know how awful they can be. So how much tough love should you administer when your BFF is in need of a good shaking?

When she’s obsessed with a man who isn’t interested: You’ve probably already been in this position multiple times with your BFF. You know the story: your bestie meets a new man and becomes obsessed. There’s just one problem – he is clearly not interested. Yet she keeps on texting him, flirting with him on Facebook and “accidentally” bumping into him on nights out.

You can practically smell the desperation wafting off her. You want to say something to her but you’ve probably been in her situation at some point too.

What should you do? Try to talk it out. Sit her down and try to make her see sense. Tell her how amazing she is and that she shouldn’t be wasting her time on a man who doesn’t care. Be empathic and understanding. If it helps, prove to her that the guy in question is a complete creep. Show her that while she’s been doing some epic flirting on Facebook, he’s also been doing some of his own on a mutual friend’s page.

When her boyfriend treats her like dirt: Your best friend is madly in love with her man, but you’ve seen the way he treats her. Maybe he calls her names in public or maybe he’s jealous and doesn’t let her associate with her friends unless he’s with her. It is time for a major wake-up call.

What should you do? This situation requires two things: empathy and tough love. Lay out all the facts. Tell her that if he genuinely cared for her, he wouldn’t treat her in this way. If possible, print out some webpages about co-dependent or emotionally abusive relationships.

Try to establish if there’s some deeper cause that’s making her stay in such an awful relationship – maybe she has cripplingly low self-esteem. Tell her that you’re willing to help her no matter what.

When she won’t stop partying: Something happens in your friend’s life and she takes up partying as a way to deal with her problems. She drinks herself into a stupor, goes missing for days at a time and is generally a depressive mess. She clearly needs some help.

What should you do? Track her down and give her a severe talking-to. Tell her that she’s not just “having a good time” she’s actually putting herself in some serious danger. Express that everyone who loves her is very worried about her and scared for her safety.

Maybe try and get her thinking about the dangers of drinking so much. Again, tell her that she’s not alone and that you’re more than willing to help her in whatever way you can.

When she’s sleeping around: Your friend goes home with a different man every single night and not in an empowered Samantha Jones type way more of a ‘I need male attention to validate me’ type way . She has no qualms about ditching you in night clubs to leave with a stranger. Often she rings you asking for help because she’s woken up, doesn’t know where she is and has serious regrets about the night before.

What should you do? Normally this kind of behaviour is the result of some severe self-confidence issues. Your bestie is enjoying the attention she gets from these men. Again, tough love is essential here. Sit her down, ask her why she’s engaging in such risky behaviour. Tell her that she’s putting herself in danger – if you have to, go down the STD route.

Be empathic and tell her she’s worth so much more. Don’t attack her, instead try to understand why she’s acting this way – remind her that you’re her friend, not her enemy and all you want to do is help her.

Yes, dealing with an out-of-control bestie can be hellish. The most important thing that you can do though is offer her a shoulder to cry on and some non-judgemental advice. Hopefully this will be enough to make her wake-up and see that she needs to change her ways sooner rather than later.