You wouldn’t wish it on your worst enemy.
It’s getting dangerously close to Christmas, which means we all need to start thinking about going shopping. No doubt about it, it’s a fate worse than death. Shoving your way through shops and using your elbows as weapons, nobody likes the version of themselves they become in these situations.
It’s an emotional rollercoaster that brutally tests your strength, endurance and desire for a bargain. By the end of it, you’re deflated and in dire need of a few cans. Well sip those with pride, buddy. You’ve earned it.
Here’s 5 emotional stages you can expect to experience when you embark on your Christmas shopping.
1. Optimism
You’ve booked a day off work specially for the biggest shopping trip of the year. You set an alarm the night before and promise yourself you’ll head in early to beat the crowds. The car has a full tank of petrol to get there, you’ve an emergency bottle of wine chilling in the fridge awaiting your return and you’re mentally feeling very strong and capable of completing the task that lies ahead. You’ve even written a physical list, like the prepared little madam that you are.
2. Realisation
The alarm went off at 6.15am, so you logically snoozed it until 9am. No sense in heading in so early, sure everybody will be going to work, the traffic will be nuts. You resurrect yourself from the bed around 10.30am and take a leisurely shower. Listen, no point rushing yourself into the mammoth task that lies ahead. You finally reach town around midday, after spending 20mins trying to locate a parking space in the world’s smallest carpark. Right on the roof. Fab.
3. Panic
Jesus town is looking very busy for a Tuesday morning. This isn’t how things were supposed to go. There’s people everywhere and none of the shops have what you’re looking for. Better seek shelter in a nearby coffee shop and get yourself an emergency latte, accompanied by a quick scan of the work WhatsApp group to see what those saps are doing. That’s enough. You’ve presents to buy, it’s only 10 weeks to Christmas, LOOK LIVELY!
4. Acceptance
Right there’s absolutely nothing in the shops, it’s a joke. Anything on your list is out of stock, so you might as well just pick up a few bits for yourself and accept that Christmas shopping just isn’t going to happen today. You’ll have to muffle the sound of your disappointment with a fancy dinner from M&S to get over this upset. Maybe you could buy most of these presents online anyway? Spade a spade, you’ve completely and utterly failed this mission, but that latte earlier was lovely so it’s not all bad news.
5. Shame
As soon as your car hits the driveway, it becomes apparent that you’ve let yourself and your entire family down. Where was your stamina that you swore you had last night? You weren’t supposed to leave town until you had everything on that list. Instead, you’ve left with a few unnecessary bits from Penneys, a fancy dinner and a large amount of anxiety. You’re a selfish disgrace who deserves to spend Christmas alone, weeping. Cop on, Aoife, you’re better than this.
