How One Direction Will Spend Their Time Off
Last night, One Direction made their final X Factor appearance ahead of their hiatus.
It was a difficult and emotional watch, mostly because Harry was dressed like a tablecloth.
Not content with wondering what will happen to the crew, I have enlisted the help of a ouija board to determine what lies ahead for the four lads. Let's take a look at the results.
Once One Direction finish, Harry will turn his hand to the world of fashion design. Not a curtain in the world will be safe once Hazza gets his hands on them. It's very likely Harry will also have a few side projects, which will lead to him branching into the world of murder mystery whilst battling a crippling Yop addiction. "Everything happens for a reason", he'll say as Scotland Yard burst through the doors of his multi-million pound house in Surrey, raiding crates upon crates of Strawberry Yop. When One Direction enter talks about getting back together, Harry will need to be Yop-free for at least six months before his former bandmates will accept him back into the group.
Our Niall will return to his beloved Mullingar as soon as his One Direction duties wrap up. He'll spend a large portion of his time finding out what the word 'hiatus' actually means, then embark on a spiritual journey to Knock. It's likely that Niall will get quite restless and turn his efforts towards presenting. Brian Ormonde will put up a good fight, but inevitably, Niall will secure the coveted role as the presenter of Winning Streak. An unprecedented accident with a knife while slicing open a three star entry envelope will cut short Niall's presenting career, at which point he will settle down with Brian O' Driscoll and Amy Huberman's eldest daughter, Flumpty.
Liam will spend thousands on having reconstructive surgery to look like Noel Edmonds. He will liaise with Harry in terms of 'jazzy' clothing options and the pair will look into doing some photography together. After being unsuccessful in securing work as a Noel Edmonds tribute act, Liam will enter the family business of window sales, Payne's Panes. Liam will really find himself during this time, along with the remedy for removing small scratches from household objects - simply rub a walnut on it! Who knew!
The bad boy of the group, Louis will focus on becoming a father to his first child, then his second, third, fourth and fifth. His devoted marriage to Yoko Ono will come under strain when Yoko forces him to change his surname to Tomlinsono. They will overcome their differences and bring their children up on a remote island near Norway. Afternoons will be filled with tales of Louis' success and wild days with One Direction. His children will request proof of said success, but unfortunately, all photographs and video footage of the band will be destroyed in a bizarre bout of worldwide global warming.
Honourable mention to Zayn who will probably do very well for himself during One Direction's hiatus. Gone but never forgotten x