"I’ve always had this burning desire to find him."

Former Made In Chelsea star Spencer Matthews has spoken about the death of his older brother Michael, and how he is only processing it now. Michael passed away in 1999 at the age of 22, while descending Mount Everest. Spencer was just 10-years-old at the time. Now, in a recent appearance on Ant Middleton's podcast, Big Fish, Spencer shared that he only started processing the loss recently. He initially talked about his young age at the time, and admitted that losing Michael wasn't something he "fully understood". Describing his big brother as his "superhero", he said that he didn't believe that he had died, and "just assumed that he'd come back". Spencer said: "And you know, as time passed, I understood I would never see him again. I’ve always had this burning desire to find him. And obviously I understood through my teenage years, how complicated that would be. "I’m not a particularly externally emotional person. I can’t really remember the last time I cried. I’m a very black and white character who just deals with issues when I face them." https://www.instagram.com/p/ChuT2nzNz0i/?utm_source=ig_embed&ig_rid=c699dda3-a8b4-4844-827f-4e61d2437c3b Spencer is married to Irish media personality Vogue Williams. They share three children together – Theodore, Gigi and Otto. Next year, Spencer will explore his the loss of his brother in a new Disney+ documentary titled Finding Michael. The podcast host announced the new project earlier this year on Instagram. He wrote: "Over the last eighteen months or so we’ve been making a documentary film about this once in a lifetime journey to the highest point on earth. "I am now proud to announce, together with @DisneyPlusUK that early next year we will bring you “Finding Michael”, a strong and powerful story of brotherly love. "This has been the most meaningful and humbling experience of my own life and it is hoped the film will deliver my inspiring brother the decent legacy that he earned when so young."