It’s time. We’ve been good all year and it’s finally time.
Love Island returns to our screens this Monday night.
Our bodies are so, so ready.
Despite this excitement, we can’t tell you for certain how this series will play out.
Will one couple establish themselves as the obvious winners from an early stage, á la Jack and Dani? Will someone belt their other half over head with a Love Island water bottle in a fit of jealous passion? Will they still do the lie detector test? Will they all start wearing clothes around the villa?
No-one knows – but there are a couple of things that are guaranteed to happen in the first episode.
1.You’ll hear the theme music and your muscle memory will kick in.
You’ll drop the scalding cup of tea you’re pouring in the kitchen and leg it for the couch.
2. Caroline Flack will look absolutely SPICY.
Facts are facts.
3. All the girls will hug like old friends when they enter the villa, despite having never met before.
It’s how females size one another up in the wild.
4. There’ll be an extreme close-up shot of someone biting their lip as a member of the opposite sex walks in and is introduced.
Or a bead of sweat rolling down their face. Love Island is subtle like that.
5. One of the lads will try and get a catchphrase of the ground.
He’s been practicing it for weeks.
6. At least one islander will be wearing some uncomfortable looking togs.
Either a teeny tiny pair of trunks or a one-piece with cut-out bits in odd places.
7. The grafting will be off the charts.
This truly is the purest time of the series, when no-one knows their place and everyone is just getting stuck into everyone else.
Savour it.
8. The girls’ room will be trashed within two minutes.
No time to tidy up when you have eyelashes to blow-dry.
9. Someone will struggle to understand the Irish contestant’s accent, no matter how clearly she speaks.
Our money’s on this fella.
10. Twitter will almost crash under the weight of the #LoveIsland thread.
And the memes will be straight fire.
We’re already counting down the hours…
