Temporary tattoos? Nope. Fringe waistcoats? Nope. Face jewels? Triple nope.

If you have avoided the advice of fashion bloggers and celebs on social media (and actually have a life), congratulations. If not, you'll be aware that California’s Coachella is kicking off the 2017 festival season this weekend, so expect to see plenty of the above items in photos from the event in the next few days. Certain elements of festival fashion have come in for criticism in recent years – Native American feather headdresses, Afro box braids and Hindu bindis have popped up at music events across the globe for years, prompting cries of cultural appropriation. Playing dress-up with traditional garb from world cultures is definitely problematic, but as bloggers and celebs race to put the finishing touches to their #Coachella looks, I propose we call for an end to ALL predictable festival trends. Let’s call a spade a spade – the monster that is festival fashion needs to die. I can’t be the only one who winces at the festival-related #OOTDs that spam our Facebooks and Instagram feeds every year between April and September. It’s a reaction prompted by disappointment rather disgust – it’s disheartening to see an otherwise insanely stylish person deck themselves out in a predictable uniform of feathers, neon and crochet year-in, year-out. The flower crown is surely the most offensive item. It used to mean you were a free spirit, a hippy. Now all it means is you’ve been in a Claire’s Accessories at some point. Furthermore; the outfits don’t match the setting. Festivals, if you take a romantic view of slashed tents and empty cans, represent a spirit of rebellion, creativity and freedom. They are, supposedly, all about the music. The essence of rock and roll, supposedly, is not trying too hard. The waistcoat-flares-floppy hat combo screams of effort. Is it really boho if you’ve had your pristine outfits planned for weeks, and yet still end up looking like everyone else? So, dear celebs, for us mere peasants stalking you online during Coachella and throughout festival season – please don’t dress like a New Look mannequin. Dress like someone who’ll be ingesting nothing but soapy pints and chipper for three days. Dress like a nut-job. You can always go back to dressing as expected next week. Here’s an opportunity to genuinely surprise us. Why not take it?