Netflix is the best.
That’s literally my Netflix password. Anyway, I’ve a few gripes with Netflix lately. Aside from being a victim of daylight robbery with their recent €3 price hike, there’s a few other things I’d like to change.
Mainly, I want Netflix to install software that can detect my mood when I log in, then suggest appropriate content for consumption accordingly. Is that too much to ask? Probably.
Netflix can take a back seat at this point. Literally anything they suggest will appeal to our heavily intoxicated minds. Even an Adam Sandler movie would go down a treat in this situation. Keep the lights dim and send us off into a delicate little slumber, thank you.
We need something without a hint of romance here. Possibly a thriller or comedy with unattractive cast members. Distraction is key. Something along the lines of Step Brothers is perfect. Be sound, Netflix. Please. We are fragile little swans.
Our brains will be in standby mode for this Netflix session. We want to watch something that requires no thinking whatsoever, avoiding any sort of stimulating visuals that are going to irritate our delicate and tired eyes. Emotions are running high, so keep it light.
In life, sometimes all we want and need is a good cry. Netflix, now is your time to shine. Bring on the waterworks. Break ups and death work well in this situation. If we’re not in floods of tears by the end of this viewing session, you have failed. Please also supply us with printable chocolate vouchers as well.
There’s a lot of boring documentaries buried on Netflix and now is their time to shine. Send us to sleep and do it by any means required. A documentary about the quantity of gluten contained in a slice of bread would be perfect. Or Al Gore harping on about climate change. Delightful.
