Bodies. Am I right?
Forget the typical shape descriptions like pear, hourglass, apple, butternut squash, etc.
It’s time we introduced a new chart to obsessively monitor our God-given shapes.
See can you spot yourself in the list below 😉
The NutriBullet
Your body is shaped like a delightfully efficient kitchen blender. You’re wide at the bottom and completely see through at the top, often full to the brim with kale. In your spare time, you like to blend your love of health and nutrition with your equally large love of beverages. Friends often describe you as ambitious, portable and able to dissolve an entire apple (including the core) in a matter of seconds.
The Brillo Pad
A bit of a square, you do your best to stay in shape. It’s not easy to dress for your size, but you pull it off well. Sometimes a strange pink liquid seeps through your pores – a nightmare to cover up! You’re a bit of a clean freak, always tidying up, scrubbing and scouring your surroundings. Friends are important to you, so you’re often found traveling in packs of five. A harsh exterior sometimes turns love interests away, but it’s their loss because you know you’re Brillo – get out there and find your Mr. Muscle 😉
The Stonehenge
You’re a prehistoric monument dating back to 2600 BC and you LOVE to flirt. Your body is the remains of a series of standing stones, so quite tricky to dress! You love to wear loose-fitting clothes, probably due to your tomboy childhood. A bit of a brag, you’re always reminding friends that you were added to UNESCO’s list of World Heritage Sites nearly 30 years ago. We get it – you’re a catch!
The Salmon Cutlet
Speaking of being a catch, The Stonehenge has some serious competition when you’re around. A delicious and healthy alternative to meat, you’re the envy of every girl in town. Your body is shaped like a horseshoe, with protruding flakes and bones – a total nightmare to moisturise! Best served warm, you’re fond of your summer holidays, always coming back beautifully bronzed and deliciously crisp. If you’ve got it, flaunt it!
The B.A. In Communications
Typically very chilled out and easy going, your body tends to reflect that. You are essentially a useless sheet of paper that is framed in the good living room at home. Your body is most suited to casual clothes, but you’re well able to scrub up for a night out, you divil! Your parents frequently announce their pride for you at social events, only to be trumped by your arch nemesis, the M.A. in Communications. Not to worry, you run your own race.
The Tampon
Probably the most common body type these days, the tampon can be tricky to dress, given it’s limitations. But you’re a positive person, always seeing the silver lining. Your body can absorb up to twenty times its own weight in liquid – cool! Love is something you’re not to sure about. You’re a single girl and just looking for some fun, no strings attached 😉
