'New fone, hu dick?' 6 ways to respond to an unsolicited dick pic
Dick pics can be great, depending on the context.
If you ask for one, great.
If you're sexting featuring visual content, stunning.
If you're just sitting around your gaff watching the Coronation Street omnibus eating a packet of cheese and minding your own business, not so ideal to be honest.
Unsolicited dick pics are a lot of things, many of which we do not have to list here. One of those things, however, is simply unnecessary and we would like them to stop arriving to our phones please.
And while the phenomenon that is the reasoning behind the unsolicited dick pic is largely unknown, there are certain things we can do to cope with the fact that we've just received one.
Or rather, certain ways we can respond to ensure we never receive one from the person in question again.
Because sometimes revenge is best served with a double blue tick... Or a passive aggressive response.
Whatever you're feeling.
1. Pretend they got the wrong number
"New fone, hu dick?"
Look, if someone has the audacity to send you a random image of their penis, they deserve to be absolutely terrified that their dick pic now accidentally exists on the device of a random person unknown to them.
It's only fair.
Plus, the wrong number angle also lends itself to the possibility that this person will never contact you again, assuming that they have lost your contact details to the ether of other women they like to send nasty content to.
2. Go IN on them
Depending on the severity of how you're feeling about receiving the particular dick in question, sometimes taking the piss just isn't enough.
In some cases, receiving an unsolicited dick pic can actually make a person feel very uncomfortable. It's an unwanted penis in front of your eyes without any prior warning, like - it's hardly surprising if you're less than delighted with the scenario.
It's for that reason that you are totally within your right to go in on this person.
Tell them that nobody wants to see their nasty penis unless previously requested. Ask them what exactly they thought would happen once this photo was received. Ponder whether this move has ever garnered a positive result in the past. Explain what consent means because they probably don't understand it.
3. Question the scenario
Thanks for the above. Much appreciated. Can I please just ask why you felt the need to send me a blurry photo of your throbbing member when I'm trying to watch Project Runway with my mam?"
Chances are Greg won't respond to the above question. He's already sent his unwanted dick picture, his work here is done.
Although, it isn't entirely beyond the realm of possibility that questioning this shitty behaviour will lead to a mature discussion about unsolicited dick pics among adults.
Maybe Greg's actions will change. Maybe you'll be the one to get through to him.
Stranger things have happened.
4. Send back a photo of another dick
A better dick.
A dick one would like to receive.
This kind of response is guaranteed to throw an absolute curveball into the whole dick pic scenario because, c'mon, when you're being a mad lad who thinks their penis is God's gift to women, the last thing you expect to see is another penis that has a better aesthetic.
A confrontation of epic proportions.
5. Respond with a meme
Any meme will do, tbh.
Think Kermit the Frog, think Salt Bae, think the one of Tyra Banks touching her chest or the one of her screaming "we were all rooting for you!!" with big hair.
All acceptable responses.
6. Leave them on read
Revenge is best served with a double blue tick.
If you really want to get to somebody, honestly just ignore them.
For many men, sending an unsolicited dick pic comes with the hope that you will respond positively and compliment their penis.
However, for some, sending an unsolicited dick pic is simply a way to assert dominance, to show that they are in control, and to pretty much prove that they can make you feel uncomfortable and you can't really do anything about it.
Not replying is a way to take that control back - and to spend more time on important things in your life like running out of SuperLikes on Tinder and obsessively playing the Love Island game.
No time for it, like.