Single people are disgusting and should have to pay more tax than everyone else.
Oh wait, they already do!
"Studies" have shown that there is a direct correlation between your name and ability to maintain a stable and lengthy relationship that ultimately leads to marriage.
If you have any of the following names, you're likely to be alone FoReVeR, you disgusting piece of garbage. Sorry.
Female
Aoife Cantcommit
Ciara Wonttiemedown
Emer Intimacyissues
Karen Hateseveryone
Laura Toogoodforyou
Mary Careerfirst
Niamh Justneedsspace
Róisín Wontoffendanyone
Susan Allthesingleladies
Taylor Swift
Male
Adam Fondofthewomen
Colm Isabigjerk
Dave Wontsettle
Éamonn Willneverwed
John Canttalktogirls
Kieran Stilllivesathome
Liam Prefersplayingminecraft
Michael Hasnofriends
Peter Doesntbelieveinmarriage
Seán Stillavirgin
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