Taxis are an essential extravagance in life.
Nothing makes you feel more like One Direction than plonking yourself in the back seat of a taxi and being driven to the destination of your choice.
You feel important. In old films, everyone rich had a driver and you knew that one day, whether you were rich or not, you would be driven everywhere. It’s different to getting a lift from your parents, this time it’s with a stranger. For the duration of the journey, they are your employee and you feel powerful.
Here’s five types of taxi driver you’re likely to encounter.
Chatty Charlie
From the minute you park your bum on his seat, Charlie starts talking and refuses to stop until you voluntarily get out five minutes prematurely from your intended destination for a bit of headspace. He tells you everything about his life. Four kids, one of them just did the leaving, two more in school and the eldest is in college doing Arts or something like that. Regardless of your slightly lacklustre responses, Charlie fills any silences with anecdotes and stand up routines you can tell he’s been refining for years. He’s a lovely guy, but needs to dial back the expressive chit-chat by about 60% to avoid ploughing into an oncoming line of traffic.
Clueless Colm
You’d have a better chance of finding your way by asking Helen Keller for directions. It seems as though it’s Colm’s first day on the job, although he assures you he’s a seasoned pro and knows these streets like the back of his delicately moisturised hand. Colm takes bizarre shortcuts that ultimately result in the meter adding up catastrophically. He’ll eventually ask you to throw the destination into the map on your phone and you’ll get there together. Not a sniff of a discount for essentially doing half his job, mind you.
Nosy Norman
It’s likely that Norman was a detective inspector in a former life because his thirst for information is unparalleled. He’ll start with a quick what’s your name, where do you work, are you single? Then things get a little deeper and you find yourself constructing a life you wish you had. Yeah I’m a doctor, I make €120,000 a year and my husband is very handsome and wealthy. Norman lures a more interesting life out of you, he makes you want to be a better person. You owe him a good story, he deserves it. When you reach your destination, you feel rejuvenated and know that anything is possible now that you’re a seasoned liar.
Character Carol
She’s probably the most gas person you’ve ever met. Her entire life seems to be full of divilment and wonder. Carol divulges more information than you feel worthy of knowing. Tales of who’s been in the back of their taxi doing what (and with who) makes your journey fly. You kind of want her to be your cool aunt, so you can text her when you’re bored or need advice. She’s a howl and you desperately want to bring her into the nightclub with you. As you part ways, you ask for her personal number so she can be your personal go-to taxi driver. You promise to stay in touch, but never speak again. Carol, I miss you.
Silent Simon
Simon just gets it. From the moment you sit in the taxi, he exchanges pleasantries and then gets to work. There’s no forced conversation about the latest bus strikes, he’s a man of few words, which suits you down to the ground. He’s got a very pleasant manner about him, a solid taste in music and a nice silent method of breathing. You’re both perfectly content being in each other’s presence, allowing your brains to wander into lands unknown. It’s not weird, it’s nice. It’s a comfortable silence and your generous tip reflects that. Godspeed, Simon.
