I matched with ‘Santa’ on Tinder and I’ll never date a real man again

There are a lot of lads on Tinder.

Some of them are the worst people to have ever roamed this Earth. And some of them are alright, I guess. There is one lad though that I never thought I'd run into on Tinder and that's Santa Claus. He has a wife, after all. Lucky for me though that Santa has apparently ended things with Mrs Claus and downloaded a very popular dating app, set his location to Ireland (for some reason), and gone swiping. And we, of course, matched. (Disclaimer: this is, in fact, a real literal conversation I had with 'Santa' today. I don't know why or how it happened but it did and I feel like sharing it with the Her.ie audience is the only way I can truly process what went down.) Be warned though: some of this convo is NSFW. Okay so, a lot to unpack here with this photograph and bio. My first initial thought was: 'Wow, Santa is not wasting any time setting that wink pic as his first image. Bold and forward, fair play.' My second thought was: 'Hang on, why is this lad literally two miles away from me?' Also, c'mon man - everybody knows you ain't 28. So, things started off pretty standard as we can see from the below screenshot of Tinder for desktop which I do shamelessly frequent from time to time. I asked Santa the obvious: "What's the craic?" Stunningly original opener if I do say so myself. He responded accordingly and... I don't know. I think it's safe to say that things got off to a bit of a shaky start.   So what have we learned here? First, Santa does not support workers' rights. Second, he's apparently getting a lot of sex toys ready for Christmas. Fair play Santa - a forward-thinking, modern man if I ever saw one. The big man and I continued to engage in some light banter. To be honest, I'm not going to include the whole convo here because some of it was a bit, shall we say, stale. But once Santa got going, he really got going.   Now in fairness, I am giving Santa a lot of material to work with here. Coming down chimneys? Sitting on laps? However, that being said, he got to his "there might be a surprise waiting for you" all on his own. The convo continued and things got a little... intense. If you can't be honest, lads, what can you be? See above. As we neared the end of our conversation, there was just one thing I felt that I really needed an answer to. And Santa, of course, did not disappoint. (Yes, I did call a stranger on Tinder 'Daddy Christmas', and what of it? Calm down like.) After that, Santa and I lost contact. We see each other now and again, but our meetings are fleeting, comprised only of quick glances through crowded rooms and hushed whisperings about each other to our close friends. Perhaps one day we will rekindle our romance but for now, I guess I'll just go back on Tinder.