Meghan says she "just didn't want to be alive anymore" in royal family
The bombshell interview aired last night.
Meghan Markle has said she experienced suicidal thoughts as a member of the royal family.
Speaking to Oprah during her and Prince Harry's tell-all interview, which aired on US television last night, the Duchess said that at some points after her marriage she "just didn't want to be alive anymore."
Meghan added that when she expressed her feelings to "the institution," she was told that she could not seek help for her mental health issues.
"That was a very clear and real and frightening constant thought," she said. "And I remember how [Harry] just cradled me.
"I went to the institution, and I said that I needed to go somewhere to get help. I said that I've never felt this way before and I need to go somewhere. And I was told that I couldn't, that it wouldn't be good for the institution."
Meghan, who is currently pregnant with her second child, recalled an event the couple attended at the Royal Albert Hall in 2019, after she had informed Harry of her suicidal thoughts.
A friend had contacted her to say how great she looked in a particular photograph, but that "even the people that smile the biggest smiles and shine the brightest lights, it seems."
"That picture, if you zoom in, what I see is how tightly his knuckles are gripped around me," she said. "You can see the whites of our knuckles because we are smiling and doing our job, but we are both just trying to hold on.
"[Harry] was gripping my hand and it was, 'Okay an intermission's coming, the lights are about to come on, everyone's looking at us again' - and you had to just be 'on' again.
"Every time those lights went down in that royal box, I was just weeping [...] You have no idea what's going on for someone behind closed doors. You've no idea."
Harry said that the couple made the decision to step away from their royal duties last year due to a "lack of support, and lack of understanding."
"I went to all the places which I thought I should go to, to ask for help - we both did, separately and together," he said.
Harry and Meghan's interview with Oprah airs tonight on RTÉ 2.