It’s Tuesday.
The bank holiday has ended.
It’s grim.
After what felt like weeks of going out and drinking pints and being hungover and eating chocolate and lying down a lot, the week is upon us and we are forced to work again.
(Unless of course you work in retail or the service industry and in that case, we are eternally devastated that this bank holiday was but a mere regular week for you.)
If you didn’t wake up this morning in the depths of despair, good for you because we all did.
Chances are that we all had the exact same conversations with people once we arrived into work too – after all, there’s only so much to talk about.
1. “Go anywhere nice over the weekend?”
Let it be known – you did not engage in a work-based conversation today without somebody asking if you went anywhere over the weekend.
It just didn’t happen.
You could be bleeding out on the floor of the canteen and Paul from accounts would still be asking if Coppers was busy on Saturday night.
He just needs to know, like.
2. “It was sooo hard to get up this morning”
There are two whole topics of conversation we, as a nation, are permitted to have today – one is about going out over the weekend and the other is about how tired you are today.
And in fairness, it’s a decent enough conversation to have.
Knowing you’re not the only one who snoozed through 12 alarms, did your makeup (badly) on the bus, and slept with your eyes open at your desk for a bit this morning is a bit of a blessing.
3. “Cold enough out, isn’t it?”
Because it wouldn’t be awkward office banter without someone bringing up the weather.
4. “I’m not eating chocolate for the rest of April”
Joanne, 36, who consumed one whole Easter egg over the weekend has announced that she is not eating chocolate for the next 30 days.
It’s a brave and bold move, one that will not be matched by anyone else in the office.
Joanne continues to inform anybody who will listen about her new diet. Afterwards, she eats a pear and sobs quietly into a spreadsheet.
5. “Would it be bad if I bought a Dairy Milk for lunch?”
Easter has come and gone so naturally everybody is either sick of chocolate or pretending to be sick of chocolate in a bid to fit in with the lads.
And yet, once lunch rolls around and you’ve had your disappointing sandwich, the desire for something sweet returns.
It remains until you quell that desire and hit up the nearest Spar, taking that sweet milk chocolate in your hand, reaffirming what you knew but were always afraid to admit – no chocolate will ever be enough chocolate.
6. “I still haven’t recovered from day-light savings, haha”
Alright Gareth, it’s been two weeks, you can stop now.
