Today, two heavyweights of the celeb world celebrate their birthdays.
SpongeBob SquarePants turns 30 (proof here) and Conor McGregor is 28. This means that SpongeBob is allegedly 2 years older than McGregor. What’s that at the front door? It’s a sink. Let it in. Let that sink in.
Having recently watched The Parent Trap, I know what signs to look for when trying to connect two people’s lives together. Hence, I have compiled a selection of damning evidence to prove that Conor McGregor and SpongeBob SquarePants are the same person.
Nobody has ever seen them both together
Think about it. What business has SpongeBob at an MMA fight, or similarly have the paparazzi ever snapped a photograph of McGregor in a pineapple under the sea? Impossible. Cameras don’t work underwater. The only place they would be likely to cross paths is ripping it up in the club, but that’s never happened simply because they are THE SAME PERSON. Wake up, people.
They both have a friend called Patrick
SpongeBob’s best friend is an adorably stupid starfish called Patrick. They get up to lots of divilment together and it’s very cute. Similarly, Conor McGregor has a friend called Patrick, probably. Given that he is Irish and statistically 1 in every 5 people are called Patrick, it’s entirely likely that Conor has encountered several during his 28 years.
Neither are fond of wearing clothes
Conor McGregor basically goes around in a knickers for a living. He’s in the nip more often than he’s not. SpongeBob is also 70% unclothed all the time, so yet again, it’s a perfect match. But there’s more. Look closely at SpongeBob’s puny little strip of clothing: it’s a suit. When McGregor is forced to wear clothes, he also wears a very snug suit. Coincidence? Absolutely not.
They both talk a lot of smack
In between matches, McGregor is always trying to psych out his opponents by incessantly insulting and taunting them both in person and online. Sound familiar? SpongeBob doesn’t be out of the bed a wet minute before he’s over poking his nose into Squidward’s business, doing his nut in repeatedly until the sun goes down. Leave them alone you irritating sponges.
McGregor and SquarePants are both lunatics
via GIPHY
It’s a well-know fact that a talking sponge living in an underwater pineapple is ludicrous carry on and at some stage we need to look into staging an intervention. But look at the supposedly “completely different person”, Conor McGregor. He too lives in a lunatic world involving obscene amounts of money and beating people up for large shiny belts. His double life as a sponge is as bizarre as his other. Lunatic begets lunatic.
Both have a pet snail called Gary WHO MEOWS LIKE A CAT
This is probably the most vital piece of evidence in this case that I’m currently building. Trying to live two separate lives is entirely unfeasible and here’s the proof. Until now, we weren’t sure, but we received an anonymous tip that proves SpongeBob and Conor both have an adorably fed up pet snail called Gary. Coincidence, possibly. So we interviewed the snails, and THEY BOTH MEOW LIKE A CAT. Only 1 in 8 million snails have this ability, so we’re going to take a gamble here and say it’s the same snail. SpongeBob and McGregor, the jig is up.
