Another day, another 24 hours spent tirelessly worrying that Donald Trump might actually become the next POTUS.
Last night, extremely cool and down with the people man Donald Trump posted a photo on his Twitter, which truly proved how intimidatingly chill he is. Donald, ever thirsty for the millennial vote, candidly tucked into a plate of KFC on his private jet.
If I was an American citizen, I would absolutely vote for him based on that picture alone. I want my president to eat one singular piece of fried chicken with a knife and fork, because that proves that he is responsible enough to be in charge of an entire nation’s stash of weaponry.
While gazing adoringly at the photo, I started to notice a few strange objects in the background and they are very, very telling.
Let’s take a look at some of these questionable items up close:
Wow, Trump is actually wearing a ‘Vote Hillary’ badge. What kind of sick game is he trying to play here? Is it an ironic badge, like those ones everyone had on their schoolbags in the early 2000s? Or does his loyalty genuinely lie with Hillary? She is a fantastic presidential candidate, after all.
Wow, how stupid does Donald Trump actually think we are? He clearly isn’t eating KFC at all. The reflection of the container on his knife clearly says ‘CFK’, which are the famed initials of former Argentinian President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner. Actually, when was the last time anyone saw her? IS TRUMP EATING THAT WOMAN?
Ok, this one is just tragic. The newspaper that Trump has been perusing is none other than the Waterford Today. A great bit of publicity for the local paper, but what’s the main article on the front page? It’s an editorial entitled ‘How To Eat Chicken’. Trump clearly did a lot of research before the aforementioned photograph was taken.
If you look very closely at the stitching on the headrest behind Trump, you can see that he is actually flying with Ryanair. Although elsewhere, it’s not the typical interior that you would find on a Ryanair flight, Trump is clearly trying to get a good bargain just like the rest of us. Far from CFK they serve on our flights though!
Many online commentators missed this particular piece of evidence, but I spotted it right away. Trump has scribbled a number on his serviette, perhaps so he can remember it for a later date. Curiosity got the better of me and I was determined to find out where the number belonged to…
As you can see from the first Google search result, that phone number leads to the Sudocrem Customer Service helpline. Sudocrem is most famously a nappy rash cream, so it’s very logical to conclude that Donald Trump suffers from nappy rash.
Woah, who’s that lingering outside the window of the plane? It’s Meredith McIver, that’s who! Melania Trump’s speechwriter actually exists. Well, probably not anymore if she was outside the window during a flight. RIP in peace, Meredith x
Finally, OMG IS THAT THE DOG FROM MARLEY AND ME?
