Today’s a special day for my interviewee, she’s turning 200.
I’m nervous. It’s lashing rain and I’ve been viciously attacked by approximately 37 umbrellas so far. Today’s guest requested that I call over to her place. An unusual ask, but I’m very obliging. As I stumble my way through Dublin city centre, I finally catch sight of her.
She’s here. The Ha’penny Bridge is here.
Me: Hey Penny, happy birthday! It’s brilliant to finally meet you, pity about this awful weather! How are things?
Penny: Ciara, pleasure! Ah stop it’s vile, although I’m fairly used to it now. When you get to be 200 years old, you’ve pretty much seen it all.
Me: Yeah, definitely. So, you probably get asked this all the time, but do you like your job?
Penny: They say if you find a job you love, you’ll never work a day in your life. Well, that’s not true, I work every day and I couldn’t leave even if I tried. I’m made of cast iron and secured to either side of the Liffey – classic me! Truth be told, I love working. Not many people can say that they’ve met the likes of Bono, President Michael D. Higgins, Colin Farrell and even Maura Derrane during their line of work.
Penny and Maura in 2012
Me: No way, Maura Derrane? Jesus now that is living! Penny, you’re 200 today. Please, share your wisdom with us. What is the secret to living a long and happy life?
Penny: Wow, that’s a tough question. I guess, never be afraid to let people walk all over you. It’s not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength that you can carry the weight of so many and ask for so little in return. It’s a thankless job, but I’m fine with that. The odd time a passerby will fall over and accidentally kiss me, and that’s enough to keep me going.
Me: Stunning advice. Oh, I see you share a birthday with Sam Smith. Are you a fan?
Penny: No, he’s garbage. However, it is a beautiful coincidence that I share a birthday with Sam, who was the first gay man to walk across me. But in terms of musical ability, I can’t stand him. Radiohead should’ve provided the theme song to Spectre and I won’t rest until Sam admits that, the smug git.
Me: Agreed. His version was shite. Have you any hobbies, Penny?
Penny: I play bridge with some friends every Wednesday night. It’s a deceptively complex game and I’m really enjoying learning all the rules and tricks involved. Other than that, I love socialising with my neighbours Samuel and Rosie. They’re sound out. Funnily enough, we’re all petrified of water and I often find myself trying to calm them down or vice versa when there’s a high tide. It’s gas! They’re a great support system 😉
Me: I see what you did there! Listen, I have to ask about the padlocks, what’s the story there?
Penny: Ciara, I can’t fucking stand the padlocks. They’re stupid, we’re not in fucking Paris! Sorry for the bad language but I’m livid over them. My paint is being chipped and, let’s be honest, if you need to immortalise your love in the form of a padlock, the relationship is doomed to fail. Padlock your common sense together and go carve your initials into a tree for God’s sake. Gobshites.
Me: Completely agree. Morons. Right, I won’t keep you much longer. Just tell me this, what does the future hold for Dublin’s most famous bridge?
Penny: I’m just going to keep doing my thing, Ciara. Let folks keep walking all over me and quite literally bridge the gap between the north and south of Dublin. Due to continental drift, my steps keep growing further apart, that’s why you need to be a giant to take them one step at a time. Hopefully, I can curtail that but I can’t make any promises.
Me: Hey Penny, thanks so much for taking the time to chat to me today. Happy 200th birthday again and best of luck with everything! Hope those pesky padlocks stop appearing soon as well.
Penny: Thanks Ciara, lookit, water under myself at this stage! All the best.
