If The Addams Family was set in 2016 Ireland

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The Addams Family is a wonderfully heartwarming tale of feuding families, excessive greed and bizarre lifestyle choices. I often wonder what some of my favourite films would be like if they were set in Ireland. For example, the story of Romeo and Juliet would be called Patrick and Niamh and they would be insufferable little dorks. Let's see how different The Addams Family would be if it was based on our emerald isle.

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Fester would be called Mouldy No such name as exotic as Uncle Fester would be tolerated in this country. We like our names stupid and our nicknames stupider. He would be known as Mouldy among the lads, but Mammy and Daddy Addams would've christened him Mould and sigh heavily each time he's referred to as anything other than that.   Nobody would bat an eyelid at their paleness In Ireland, The Addams Family would be considered tanned. Everyone is expected to be pale and those with the slightest hint of colour are dubbed as either foreign or awful sallow. Wednesday's gauntly pale face would be welcomed and celebrated as envious onlookers describe her as having lovely porcelain skin.   Instead of séances, they'd just say a few decades of the Rosary There'll be none of this trying to reconnect with potentially deceased Uncle Mouldy using the power of spirits. Instead, Grandmama (known as Nanny) will sit all the family in the living room as they say a minimum of four decades of the Rosary, followed by an Our Father for good measure.   Cousin Itt's appearance would be berated at every opportunity As we know, you can't get away with having your hair styled in the slightest bit adventurously in Ireland without getting the bottom ripped out from under you. Friends, family and even strangers will stare at you, questioning your every life decision that has led you up to this point. LOOK AT THOSE SPLIT ENDS!   They'd be constantly ridiculed for wearing black Frankly, anything you wear in Ireland is questioned. Oh, you're going out in THAT when it's roasing out? You'll melt in all that black clobber you've on. Would you ever try a pastel or something? You look like you're on the way to a funeral for God's sake. So morbid looking.   Uncle Fester wasn't lost in the Bermuda Triangle, he was stuck at the Dunkettle Interchange As if anyone can get lost in the Bermuda Triangle for 25 years. It's more likely that Fester (now Mouldy) stupidly found himself smack bang in the middle of the Dunkettle Interchange at rush hour. As the Addams' grew fearful for his welfare, he slowly and painfully made his way onto the N25, like the trooper that he is.      

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Unedited lead image via Pinterest, all other images via Paramount Pictures.