
LOL

Share
30th May 2016
11:08am BST

i hate when old people say tattoos are a waste of money like debra you have a cabinet dedicated to expensive plates nobody is allowed to use
— the meme index (@memeindex) May 1, 2016
Summer got attacked by a duck today & the pictures our neighbor got of it happening make me laugh so hard pic.twitter.com/GEJuGwPy24 — stevie b (@steviebaegidden) May 2, 2016
Well-a well-a well-a Huh pic.twitter.com/vPgHkKCMiY
— Louise O'Connor (@oconnola) May 5, 2016
The view from inside a cheese grater looks like a classic Puff Daddy/Hype Williams video set. (via @MannyFaces) pic.twitter.com/9pVFjYQPcp — Lester Bangs (@mattwhitlockPM) May 8, 2016
sometimes my dad talks to me like i've never been retweeted by good charlotte
— darcie (@333333333433333) May 9, 2016
when u realise your children are not the real priority in your life, but that u owe it all to the sweet green prince pic.twitter.com/0z8zCCqDzz — Emily (@hazpoz) May 10, 2016
I don't know cpr I just like punching dead people in the chest and kissing them.
— Little Greenis (@DurtMcHurtt) May 12, 2016
Manager: Your fired Me: *You're Manager: How did you know I spelled it wrong if I spoke it out loud Me: How did you know I corrected you — pat tobin (@tastefactory) May 13, 2016
"Australia is a big part of Europe and should definitely be in the Eurovision Song Contest." pic.twitter.com/HJG6LnbYUw
— David Whitley (@mrdavidwhitley) May 14, 2016
me: do you ever get sad because some dogs probably need glasses but we'll never know because THEY CANT SAY bank teller: sir this is a bank — Matt Bellassai (@MattBellassai) May 16, 2016
Interviewer 1: Describe yourself in one word
Me: Hired Interviewer 2:[whispers] Holy shit can she do that?? — Niles (@River_Niles) May 16, 2016
we had to observe a minute silence for the guy who fell in the lake & drowned. went for 74 seconds. not complaining just dont call it that — Micheal Caine (@mikealfredcaine) May 17, 2016
If embryos are people, ultrasounds are child pornography
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) May 17, 2016
nigga this tweet opened my third eye pic.twitter.com/BtFU0ExGg0 — michael is dead (@silenthooper) May 19, 2016
funniest thing i've ever said irl is 'what kind of clown do they have running this place?' after getting a wrong order at mc donalds
— PatrickJuicePlus+ (@PrayForPatrick) May 20, 2016
Interviewer: says here you have a military background Me [getting out my phone]: yeah but I changed to a picture of my dog eating spaghetti — David Hughes (@david8hughes) May 20, 2016
— Bea_ker (@bea_ker) May 21, 2016
Might need a hyphen in that mate. pic.twitter.com/CXtbtsVRdJ — Jon (@hippy_jon) May 21, 2016
My housemates booed me when I switched from acoustic to electric toothbrush but I have to do what I feel is best.
— esthero'mooredonohoe (@estheromd) May 23, 2016
I'm about to CUM C. coming o U. ut of M. my cage and I've been doing just fine gotta gotta be down because I want it all it started out wi — ZOMBIE MAMI (@xodelanyy) May 24, 2016
He doesn’t know what goes on in jails, does he…? pic.twitter.com/ztm68yZ4sM
— News Thing on RT UK (@NewsThingRT) May 24, 2016
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. But that's not the complete list. pic.twitter.com/276Bjvy7L5 — Sir Michael (@Michael1979) May 28, 2016
The way I stroke back the leaves on a strawberry before eating it is fucking perverted.
— Anders Holm (@ders808) May 29, 2016
a naked girl can get a thousand retweets, but how many can our troops get? pic.twitter.com/MNoWJCwtoO — meme god (@vvexedd) May 29, 2016
just spotted this woman trying to slap a frail old man if you know who she is @ me pic.twitter.com/SAKOrEx7cF — shredded (@SorchaGags) May 30, 2016Check out January, February and March and April's funniest tweets, along with the best tweets of 2015 here and here.
Explore more on these topics: