Top 10 places to drop a quiet little fart in Dublin

*Toot toot*

Gals, let’s drop the facade and be real for a minute. Everyone farts. Mother Teresa, the ‘Is this a date?’ girl from the Barry’s Tea ad, the green Morbeg, even Julianna Margulies.

But where is the optimal place to fart in Dublin? Where can you just let go of all your inhibitions and simply be at one with your flatulence? Relax, we’ve found a few gems.

1. Windy Arbour

Take the Luas to this small suburban village between Dundrum and Milltown, and let your deepest desires flow freely. It’s only 16 minutes from town!

2. Terenure

You’re spoiled for choice in this beautiful Dublin suburb, as you’re surrounded by a plethora of schools, churches and restaurants beside which you can drop a little love puff. Don’t forget to joke to nearby folk that you hope you’re not ‘Terenure pants’.

3. Kilmacud

Friends will be laughing for years after you tell them that you simply ‘Kilmacudn’t keep it in any longer’ when you arrive at this beautiful area just past Goatstown.

4. The Gallops

Hopefully your moment of relief doesn’t result in a case of the gallops! This beautiful area is home to the longest running estate in Dublin, so let’s hope it stays that way after you’ve paid it a visit.

5. Malahide

Don’t feel as though you need to Mala-hide your urges, you’re a human being with perfectly normal body functions. Take a stroll beside the coast and cast your mind back to a time when the internet was full of meaningful and important content.

6. Poppintree

Often misspelled as ‘Poopintree’, this area has a strong sense of community that you can certainly add the fruits of your intensines to. Be sure to check in on Facebook!

7. Rush

Contrary to the name, you’ll want to take your time observing the picturesque views surrounding this small seaside town in Fingal. Allow that sea air to neutralise the repulsive odour your flatulence creates.

8. Stepaside

Nearby folk will certainly be stepping aside once they catch a whiff of how at ease you are in this beautiful village. We recommend getting a quick breakfast roll in the petrol station to help speed things along.

9. Lambay Island

Even the Lamb(ay) of God won’t take away the sins of what you’re intending to do here, nor should he because it is far from a sin. The easternmost point of Leinster welcomes all guest appearances from your southernmost point.

10. Áras an Uachtaráin

Allow the fruits of your Áras to mix with the fruits of our nation’s leader. It’s situated in Phoenix Park, which means you can take all the time you need to stroll around in the event of further unexpected expulsions.