I am deeply jealous of Zoella.
Before the haters settle down into their solid day’s work of hating, I’d like to explain that I am extremely jealous of Zoella and not here to be mean about the gal. She’s carved out a very profitable and recognisable brand, along with an enviously successful career from the comfort of her own home, and that is my actual dream.
Given that she uploads very regularly to her channel that currently has 11 million subscribers, it’s inevitable that some of her content gets a bit samey and she’s likely to repeat the odd saying or two. Heck, we are all guilty of this sin. Heck, we are all guilty of this sin. Heck, we are- you get it!
Anyway, I’ve reached my intro word count. Here’s 11 things that you’re likely to hear in every Zoella video.
1. The intro will be an outtake of her doing something decidedly quirky, then saying “I’m so weird haha, why can’t I just be normal?”.
2. Her eyes will regularly wander just left of the camera so she can see herself on the screen, so she’ll keep us in the loop by asking “Is this ok? Are the lights too bright?”. We cannot help you, Zoella. We are too far away.
3. She’ll say something unnecessarily self-deprecating like “Sorry about my hair, it’s an absolute mess today”, just as her hairstylist is packing up their tools and heading home after a quick three hour appointment to make the girl look flawless.
4. Her dog will do something off camera to distract her, so she’ll explain it without actually showing us. “Nala just did the cutest thing, she was on a chair and she got off it awwwwwww she’s so cute”.
5. She will stutter or mispronounce a word and invite us all to laugh by making fun of her innocent mistake, “Why can’t I speak today? I should’ve stayed in bed hahaha”.
6. Something will be suspiciously plugged to the point that you wonder if it’s being sponsored, at which point Zoella assures us that “No, this isn’t sponsored guys!”. But maybe that’s part of the deal she has with the company she’s plugging? Trust no one.
7. A relatable reference will be made to the latest hit television show or film that everyone is talking about, to remind us that Zoella is one of us. “LOL I look like Barb from Stranger Things™ today”.
8. There will be a brief reference to her outfit, usually saying she’s not sure what she thinks about it and inviting our opinion, “What do we think of the collar? Alfie says I look like a priest haha”.
9. We will be tricked into believing that we are all close friends, as Zoella says something like “Now you know how much I love spatulas”, provoking our inner thoughts confirming that yes, indeed, Zoella does love spatulas significantly more than the average person, I know her so well. But you don’t, babe.
10. She will tell an anecdote that fits in a little too perfectly with the theme of the video. “Actually a man came up to me the other day and said I looked like Naomi Campbell, so I decided to make this video called ‘DO I LOOK LIKE NAOMI CAMPBELL?'”.
11. We will all be encouraged to promote her brand. “Don’t forget to comment, like and subscribe guys! See you next time”.
Images via YouTube
