Celebrity Big Brother is back!
It’s inevitable that this year’s contestants will follow the usual trend of requiring immediate Googling, which results in a national uproar and mass clarification of the term ‘celebrity’.
So, I’ve put together a list of the absolute dream contestants that I would like to see on Celebrity Big Brother.
Michael Jackson
There’s a few logistical problems in getting Michael into the house, but indulge me. He would be incredible. Imagine the tales he could tell, the weird faces he’d probably pull when he’s doing the washing up, the intimate stories about Bubbles. Not to mention the sing-songs. Michael, please.
Toto
This refers to the dog from the Wizard Of Oz, not the American rock band. There’s no way he doesn’t have a multitude of stories to tell about Dorothy and her “magic shoes”. Apparently the fame has really gone to his head since the film came out, so between the tales of sex, drugs and alcohol, there’s a high chance he’d keep us entertained.
A BLT
The nation’s unofficial favourite sandwich would be a treat for the senses on our television screens. The housemates would inevitably make a beeline for the sambo, especially when their food is rationed. Although be warned, things would surely turn stale after a couple of days.
The Ebola Virus
S/he’s been pretty quiet of late, but don’t be fooled, Ebola is still a very real threat on our livelihood. Let’s put that bugger into the Big Brother house and get some answers. Let’s make Ebola cook dinner every night and clean the bathrooms for punishment, the divil.
The Scream
Edvard Munch’s most famous painting would add a real sense of culture to the Big Brother house this year. It would obviously need to be enclosed in a glass casing to keep the grubby celebrities’ paws off, which sadly removes the possibility of a love interest with Toto 🙁
Cecil The Lion
Similar to Michael Jackson, there might be some logistical problems with getting Cecil into the house, but good God if he wouldn’t capture the hearts of our nation. It would be great to hear his side of the story regarding how he met his demise, not to mention learning how he washes that beautiful mane – surely he’s using a leave-in conditioner of some sort?
