It has been 12 days since the final episode of America’s Next Top Model aired.
I’m confident that the show will receive the recognition it deserves in years to come, after we give ourselves time to grieve and reflect on what has happened.
One of my personal favourite parts of the show is called ‘Tyra Mail’, where Tyra sends the potential next top models a cryptic letter, teasing their next task. The girls always jump to ridiculous conclusions, which I have loosely scripted below.
Model 1: “Tyra Mail is here!”
*GIRLS SCREAMING*
*Girls fight over who gets to read it*
Model 2: “I’m gonna read it”
*Girls give Model 2 filthy looks*
Model 2: “It says: ‘A clock only has one face, but how many faces have you? Loooooove Tyra'”
*GIRLS SCREAMING*
Model 3: “Oh my God, we’re going to examine each others faeces!”
Model 4: “We’re getting plastic surgery!”
Model 5: “ELTON JOHN IS GOING TO WRITE A SONG ABOUT US”
Evidently, the clues were always vague and stupid, but the girls’ detective work was appalling, yet a joy to watch.
So, I’ve come up with more realistic Tyra Mail, designed to cryptically tease the next tasks, which are more suited to finding the next top model than the typical ANTM tasks. See if you can crack the answers before reading them directly underneath, you absolute cheat.
The girls are taking part in a McFly karaoke challenge!
The girls are acting as jury for the Oscar Pistorius case.
The girls are being signed up for a 3-year part-time business degree in DIT.
Upon completion of the Business degree in DIT, the girls are doing a Masters in BTS (Bullshit Television Studies).
The girls are going to genetically alter their reproductive organs to give birth to an actual packet of popcorn.
The girls are going to travel through space and time into the future to monitor the progression of open sandwiches.
The girls are going to trace their ancestry to see which of their family members is most likely to lay an egg at some point.
HANG ON, WHAT.
