Conor McGregor has called off his retirement.
It was touching go for a while and people were quite upset (even though the news was very unlikely to affect most people’s day-to-day life in any meaningful way). Inevitably, at some point, Conor is going to actually retire. When the time comes, it’s important to remember that we can and will rebuild.
My mind is now turning to the possibilities that will face young Conor in retirement. He seems like the type of guy that could turn his hand to literally anything and excel at it. The jammy yoke.
Here’s where I see future Conor McGregor going…
Conor McPegger
It’s entirely possible that Conor will get a taste for the simpler things in life. Little jobs around the house could easily become his forte. He’s a very competitive guy, so there’s a strong chance he’s going to want to be the best at everything. For some reason, I can see Conor having a large amount of talent in the washing and drying department. He has a heightened sense of when it’s going to rain, so he’s in and out to the clothes line quicker than Usain Bolt in the 200m. Conor McPegger they’ll call him, because his pegging speed will be second to none.
Conor McBeggars Bush
There’s very few ways to prove that Conor wouldn’t make an excellent addition to the Beggars Bush area in Dublin. If he was to police the area, it’s guaranteed that crime rates would instantly decrease and the inhabitants would be undeniably happy seeing his cute little bearded face roaming around the place every day. Conor would make that area his own, jesting with the youngsters, teaching the teens some safe but vital MMA self-defence techniques and chatting to the elderly about the state of youth today.
Conor McNegger
Negging is a very real threat facing our nation in the present day. For those unfamiliar, it is the act of insulting someone to undermine their self-confidence with a view to making them more susceptible to your romantic advance. It’s weird and stupid but if Conor really wanted to, he could be incredible at it. I’ve no doubt that himself and Jose Aldo have exchanged a few heated, yet flirty words during their fights. Conor could give night classes in negging and many creeps would be like to attend.
Honor McGregor
As we know, Conor holds himself in the highest esteem. He’s very, very fond of himself. Lots of people struggle with self-belief, which is something Conor has in abundance. In his abundance of free time, he could give inspirational talks about having honour. He could charge an absolute bomb for these seminars and people would be sure to attend, for no reason other than his inspirational ability to sport a well tailored suit at every occasion.
Donner McGregor
If Conor McGregor wants to become a reindeer, there’s very little that we, as a nation, can do to stop him. He would very quickly boot Rudolph out of the way and weasel his way into Santa’s heart. Conor would tow that sleigh to the best of his God-given ability and make the others feel like background trees in a school play. Children would be glued to the skies on Christmas Eve, hoping to catch a glimpse of this wonderful man accompanied by Father Christmas himself. What a time to be alive!
