Virgin Mary’s Diary Entry – Jesus Christ, He’s Here!

Dear Diary,

He's here! Jesus Christ, he's here! I am beside myself. People that doubted the validity of an immaculate conception have been proven wrong and I am delighted. Now, not to complain, but the birthing plan didn't work out AT ALL. Joseph and I traveled to Bethlehem last night for a little getaway, but sure sod's law, didn't I go early! Luckily, I had the paddling pool brought with us to carry out the water birth. Unluckily, it picked up a puncture on the way. Rage. We tried a few different places to give birth but they were all "full". Ultimately, we ended up in a stable which means I will be the first Mam on earth to say to my child 'Were you born in a barn?' and he's well within his rights to say 'Yes, actually'. The birth itself wasn't a picnic. Not half as immaculate as the conception ;) It was just a standard birthing scene, complete with a donkey, a cow and three strange men that turned up uninvited with the most bizarre gifts. I was adamant that it would be a natural birth. No epidural for me. Joseph was a bit of a spare part during the whole thing, God love him. I squeezed his hand so hard I swear a bit of gravy came out! There was no sign of Jesus' father, typical! We lay the baby on a bed of hay and felt more joy than we've ever felt. Hope he doesn't have hay fever lol! Immediately after, I updated my Facebook status and got 75 likes. I'm a bit livid. What's the point in going through all that for 75 measly likes? Never again, I can tell you. Typical Donna was flirting with God, she's such a tramp. Anyway, I'm delighted with how everything went. The conception was immaculate and so is the baby. I expect he'll have a fairly uneventful life, but sure we'll see how it goes anyway. Chat soon, Mary x  

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Mary's Diary - Day 259 of Pregnancy: Christ, I'm the size of a house. Mary's Diary - Day 260 of Pregnancy: Gossip Of Nazareth. Mary's Diary - Day 264 of Pregnancy: I am livid. Mary's Diary - Day 267 of Pregnancy: Last minute trip.