The Fall is back! The nation is beside itself (and the UK) with excitement. Finally, our favourite crime drama returns to our screens and we can shamelessly drool over the world’s most attractive serial killer. You learn a lot about yourself while watching The Fall. You often find yourself siding with a murderer because he is very […]

10 years ago

This is a breaking news story. It has been reported that Clippy the paperclip has been hospitalised after an aggravated assault earlier today. The incident took place in the early hours of this morning in Dublin’s city centre. Clippy, 19, is currently in Ireland as a guest speaker about the importance of help but also […]

10 years ago

Which actor expresses himself through several holes in his body? Pierce Brosnan. Piercings are a very cool way to decorate your body. They’re a slightly tamer version of tattoos, in the sense that you can change your mind at some point and it will usually close up within a short amount of time. You can […]

10 years ago

Goosebumps was a very aptly named book series. I used to borrow them from the primary school library, knowing well that I shouldn’t, and then read them just before bed to ensure that I never slept again. It’s been 15 years and I still haven’t had a decent night’s kip. They tapped into the fragile […]

10 years ago

A national day of mourning has been declared for tomorrow. A restless night lies ahead of us all, as we try to get our heads around this senselessly upsetting news. Everything we thought we knew is a lie. Nothing will ever be the same again. It’s likely that some of us will never truly return […]

10 years ago

How are you fixed for a ploughing? Sorry. Listen, the Ploughing is finally among us. Having never attended the spectacle itself and having no real intention of ever heading down, I can only assume that there’s a solid bit of flirting taking place in Offaly as we speak. It’s probably a little lacklustre, so I’m here to help. […]

10 years ago

Tots TV was vital to any 90s childhood. Tilly, Tom and Tiny filled my days with joy, wonder and their creepy little puppet smiles. I had the duvet cover, activity booklet and video set on a loop. They were everything. In my adulthood, it’s recently come to my attention that the trio didn’t exactly set us up for […]

10 years ago

The Emmys took place last night. In summary, everyone looked divine and some well-deserved winners were crowned. More importantly, as always, a few outfits looked like other things. In the interest of full disclosure, I am currently wearing a blue jumper and a pair of jeans that have 80% of the knee missing and also don’t […]

10 years ago

The All Ireland final is upon us. Personally, it doesn’t put in or out on me. I don’t know a damn thing about GAA and I intend to keep it that way. I understand that it would be nice if Mayo won since they’re the underdogs, but it isn’t going to affect my life in any deep or meaningful […]

10 years ago

It’s not me, it’s you. You’re vile. There’s no beating around the bush. You are literally scum. There comes a time in life where we all need to stand up for what we believe in, and I believe that you need to be put down like a sick dog. My main issue with you, kitten […]

10 years ago

My parents very nearly named me Culture. Culture Night is back again and I am beside myself with excitement and anticipation of what lies ahead. Oh the culture we shall absorb, oh the places we shall see, oh the tales we shall tell, oh class the buses are still on strike. I’ve put together a […]

10 years ago

Lady Gaga’s new album is named after a very popular Mam name. It’s a bizarre name for an album, as it’s a very common name for a Mam. I think Gaga really phoned it in this time. Her previous albums had standard enough names like The Fame, Born This Way, Artpop and Cheek To Cheek and Not A Mam Name. […]

10 years ago

Drunken takeaways are vital for sustaining the future of humanity. We’ve all done a sly departure from a night out, telling friends you’re going to the bathroom, but actually heading straight out the door and into the chipper. Then you pile yourself into a taxi and resist the temptation to horse into the chippies before you get […]

10 years ago

Dublin Buses are on strike! We caught up with a few of the buses and they seemed happy enough with the day off, albeit under difficult circumstances. Here’s how some of the buses are spending their time off. Michael’s spending his day off on the beach with his girlfriend, Sarah. “I burn like a ginger, […]

10 years ago

Yes, it is a slow news day. Zac Efron is a beautiful man, that is not up for debate. Look, he’s partial to a smouldering Instagram post and couldn’t he be doing a lot worse with his time? If you’re one of his 20.5m followers, you’ll be aware that he posts a very decent selfie. Like […]

10 years ago

Taxis are an essential extravagance in life. Nothing makes you feel more like One Direction than plonking yourself in the back seat of a taxi and being driven to the destination of your choice. You feel important. In old films, everyone rich had a driver and you knew that one day, whether you were rich or […]

10 years ago

It’s not me, it’s you. I can’t flipping stand you and I’m not going to keep it to myself anymore. The world needs to know how I feel. You’re disgusting. You’re an eyesore. Nobody likes you. Go away and get out of my sight, you repulsive pig. A large portion of my disdain for you stems […]

10 years ago

What’s a pilot’s favourite pizza topping? Just a plane. If you’re a frequent flyer, you’ll understand the importance of everyone knowing aeroplane etiquette. It’s an unspoken set of rules that ensures everyone has a nice and comfortable time. Most of the rules revolve around one key principle: Don’t be an arsehole. I’ve put together a […]

10 years ago

WHAT IS HAPPENING?! The Great British Bake Off is moving to Channel 4, and now it’s been announced that Mel and Sue aren’t coming with it. We are shocked, appalled, sad and outraged. GBBO without Mel and Sue is like Christmas without a heated family argument. We can’t even begin to fathom the information being presented to […]

10 years ago

The old JC. It was a special time where we were led to believe that these essentially meaningless exams would determine the rest of our lives. To be fair, they’re really important. Not a day goes by where I’m not asked what I got in my CSPE exam (it was an A, please stop emailing me). […]

10 years ago

Driving is nice. It helps you get from place to place without having to be near any disgusting muggles on public transport. There’s a secret world that exists between car drivers, much like the one between bus drivers when they go past each other and give a cheeky wave and a flash of the lights. […]

10 years ago

Emojis, am I right? They are essential in aiding humanity’s descent into abolishing all face-to-face contact altogether. What’s better than actually talking to someone? Texting! What’s better than texting someone? Using emojis! While we have an extensive range of emojis available to us at any given moment, I’m greedy. I want more. I want a […]

10 years ago

I’m nervous. It’s a crisp Autumn morning. There’s a slight lingering of summer in the air, but you can tell that winter is trying to stick its brazen little head in. The grass is covered in morning dew and there’s a few early morning joggers whizzing around. I’m at an undisclosed location in the West of […]

10 years ago

Listen, we’ve all been there. You’re three years old and your Mam has arranged for you to meet the cast of Cats backstage on Broadway. It’s been a long day, you’ve been busy colouring, eating Frubes, running around and watching Peppa Pig. All you want to do is sit back, relax and enjoy the fourth longest-running show in Broadway […]

10 years ago

Sunday Night Fear (SNF) is a very real and debilitating condition. Typically around 7pm on a Sunday evening, the weekend high begins to wear off and the crushing reality of what lies ahead starts to impinge on your thoughts. It happens every week and yet we are still powerless to its advances. SNF is a […]

10 years ago

Penneys is important. There’s very few problems in life that can’t be solved by a trip to Penneys. Just got dumped? Penneys. Have an hour to kill in town? Penneys. Trying to avoid going to lunch with your moany colleague? Penneys. Need to change your cents to Sterling? Penneys. I believe that everyone turns into […]

10 years ago

Far from brunch we were reared! Listen, as a nation, we need to talk about where brunch has come from? Where do we draw the line? Is ‘linner’ on the way? What about ‘dinupper’? Folks. It is an epidemic. Here’s what your notions-filled brunch order says about you. Eggs Benedict Let’s call a spade a […]

10 years ago

More like Dream BONE. Dream Phone was detrimental towards every teenage girl’s expectations of a phone call with a boy they fancied. We all expected our crush’s phone voice to be very deep, American and a little bit sexy. In reality, most of us were met with a barely broken, thick country accent that oozed awkwardness and immaturity. […]

10 years ago

How come you never see white dog shit anymore? Science and also personal experience has proven that everyone feels better after they do a big poop. But what does that big poop have to say about you? Were you a nice person to live inside for a short while? Did you wipe sufficiently? Were you […]

10 years ago

Nights out, am I right? They’re a lot of fun when you’re in the mood for them, but woe betide anyone that comes between you and the couch when you’re not in the mood for it. Sometimes you want nothing more than a cheesy bargain basement film off Netflix, your pyjamas, two litres of tea […]

10 years ago

Everyone’s favourite YouTube millionaire has a new business venture! She’s got 11 million subscribers on Youtube, a beauty line, has written three books and now has her very own lifestyle range. So for a 26-year-old who’s got a net worth of $3.5m, she’s making the rest of us look like lazy scrubs. Zoella’s new lifestyle range is actually […]

10 years ago

Single people are disgusting and should have to pay more tax than everyone else. Oh wait, they already do! “Studies” have shown that there is a direct correlation between your name and ability to maintain a stable and lengthy relationship that ultimately leads to marriage. If you have any of the following names, you’re likely […]

10 years ago

Re: Anna Rihanna! The first round of her Puma collection was released today and it’s definitely not what we expected. Instead of sticking with her trademark lunatic style, Rihanna’s gone down the slightly less popular route of boring, yet practical clothing. I was unsure of this venture at first, but having examined all of the clothing with […]

10 years ago

Cheating, am I right? Whether it’s a game of Scrabble or a five year relationship, you just can’t help but feel sad at the thought of it. Some people get angry, others seek revenge, with roughly 1 in 35m people admitting to putting regular milk into an ex’s low fat milk carton. There are many ways […]

10 years ago

Life is hard. As Billy Ocean and subsequently Boyzone warned us, When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Get Going.  In the same way that you reward your dog for pooping in the correct place, it’s not unreasonable for humans to want to be awarded actual medals for completing everyday tasks. I want a medal for […]

10 years ago

We’ve all, tragically, been there.

10 years ago

J.K. Rowling is a gift. She brought absolute delight to all of our childhoods with her wonderful world of witchcraft and wizardry, and we will forever be massively grateful for that. In recent years, she’s taken her talents to Twitter to keep the Harry Potter world alive. It’s a nice sentiment, but tends to get a […]

10 years ago

Periods, am I right? They are quite literally a pain in the butt and essentially we all just need to be severely minded when they pull into town like an unwelcome family member who’s “just popping in”. Everyone is guilty of fantasising about having a celebrity best friend every now and then. It’s completely normal […]

10 years ago

What sort of deranged lunatic is still making phone calls in 2016? There needs to be some sort of public announcement made to inform the masses that phone calls are no longer acceptable in society. Send a text like a normal person, FFS! Along with being a deeply invasive and uncomfortable affair, phone calls are also […]

10 years ago

Folks, we have done it again. August was another strong month on Twitter. Users truly outdid themselves with their entertaining quips, covering topics such as The Olympics, The Leaving Cert, bananas and The Rose of Tralee. On more than one occasion, I forwarded various tweets to my friends with the caption ‘OMG SCREAMING’, while still maintaining […]

10 years ago

Xposed. As we all now sadly know, Xposé has made the controversial decision to axe Aisling, Lisa and Peter from the show. I have petitioned for a full day of national mourning to be scheduled for tomorrow, 31st August and am waiting to hear back from the Government. An unnamed source has sent us a series of leaked text […]

10 years ago

The 90s were a ride. We were all deeply cringe, with our collective lack of a fashion sense and overall clueless nature as to how the world actually worked. Luckily, technology at the time was very poor, so the only real evidence left of our loser tendencies are bundles of photos in Mam’s attic, which could […]

10 years ago

If you don’t spend at least a third of your lifetime in pyjamas, you don’t get into Heaven. Pyjamas are life. I’m not sure if anywhere in the world takes pyjamas as seriously as we do in Ireland. A completely made up bit of research has shown that Irish people are the highest consumers of pyjamas […]

10 years ago

Finally, the kids are going back where they belong. It is strictly required by law that you are friends with at least ten Mams on Facebook, whether it’s your own Mam, a relation, neighbour, friend or woman you met once on a night out and swore you’d be friends for life. A large portion of […]

10 years ago

College is fun. It’s the first time in your life where you finally feel like an adult, going out into the big bad world with nobody around to hold your delicate little hand. You learn a lot about yourself, and most importantly, you meet new people that you might’ve never been exposed to before. Here’s […]

10 years ago

Babies, am I right? It’s not enforced by law, but it’s advisable that all babies are given a name, to help us identify them and avoid confusing them with the likes of a butternut squash or a Cabbage Patch Doll. We’ve done a quick survey on all the newborn babies from this year and put […]

10 years ago

PLEASE JUST TAKE ME BACK BRIAN! Getting dumped is the worst. It’s not as bad as making yourself a toasted cheese sandwich and, milliseconds before biting into it, noticing that the bread is mouldy, but it’s still pretty bad. There’s some foolproof ways of weaselling yourself back into your ex’s heart, but research has shown […]

10 years ago

Hello, I am 12 years old. One of my favourite parts of the Bake Off  is the overwhelming amount of innuendo that arises. Most respectable adults would fail to notice it, or turn a blind eye to the questionable phrases that are used. Not me. I’ve gone back through last night’s first episode of the […]

10 years ago

WHY AM I ALWAYS HUNGRY? When you’re trying to look after yourself and eat healthily, the main enemy is your tummy. Everyone gets hungry, but it’s the foods that your appetite craves that should be number one the FBI’s most wanted list. Your tum-tum embarrasses you when you’re in meetings by rumbling like a hyena, […]

10 years ago

The Bake Off is back! Let us all grab hands, kiss a baby and rejoice that our lives may finally reach fulfilment again. Personally, my life has been meaningless without judging the baked goods of twelve eager contestants with roughly ten times the baking ability of myself. Each year, the contestants weasel their way into […]

10 years ago